r3st & r3lAxation

currently listening to "sing like lana del rey" on youtube, a remix that uses subliminal messaging to help u manifest changes in ur voice. i feel my throat tingling. 

one comment reads "I've been listening to this for 3 days & so far I've dreamt about singing 'off to the races' (it's one of my favorites :0) & I managed to sing it like her in my dream! Also today I sang a little bit & my voice changed for a short amount of time like it sounded like Lana's ;) I love this sm!! I'll update if I see more updates." 

i read another comment explaining how subliminal videos works and the person said it's similar to manifesting. i feel like the more i listen to tiktoks and spend time alone, i can hear my speech impediment come back from when i was a child. hard sounds turn into w's and i stutter a bit. 

today i told my therapist about how when i went off of lexapro, i went to beacon's closet and sold all my clothing that wasn't black. 

i had a dream last night that my trisha paytas tattoo had multiplied and all of a sudden i had 4 of them. each one is a fragmented blown-up version of my original tattoo. as if my current tattoo was a complete puzzle and all of the new tattoos were puzzle pieces. 

trisha was also in my dream. she had booked a reality tv show in which she would play anna nicole smith. i cried deeply when i heard this news and everyone around me was concerned. i watched her being followed by cameras and producers. none of the crew GOT her if u know what i mean. i wanted to chime in and direct the shots but i was merely a production assistant on the show. it was painful watching people make a mess of something that could be so powerful. my dream project. 

when i was walking to the post office today i saw a pile of romance books on the street. 

this cover is my favorite